Thou Shalt Not
words: TERESA DEL VAL

Jeff Isaac’s book The Wacky World of Laws, is an amusing compilation of bizarre legal statutes and court rulings throughout these United States. Isaac is a practicing lawyer and radio/T.V. personality in California, who has made a career out of legal advice aimed at the proverbial “common man”. COOL’EH read his book and then caught up with the “Lawyer in Blue Jeans” for a quick interview. 

• In Boise, Idaho fishing from a camel or giraffe’s back is illegal
• In Massachusetts tomatoes are not allowed in clam chowder
• In Portland, Oregon people may not whistle underwater
• In Nebraska, if a child burps during church, his parent may be arrested
• In Norco, California it is not permissible to carry a fish into a bar
• In Wyoming you may not take a picture of a rabbit from January to April without an official permit
• In Los Angeles, California it's illegal for a man to beat his wife with a strap wider than 2 inches without her consent
• In Nebraska doughnut holes may not be sold
• In Texas, when two trains meet each other at a railroad crossing each shall come to a full stop, and neither shall proceed until the other has gone
• In West Virginia no children may attend school with their breath smelling of "wild onions"
• In California it is forbidden to spit on the ground within 5 feet of another person
• In New Jersey it is illegal to slurp soup
• In Los Angeles it is against the law to complain through the mail that a hotel has cockroaches, even if it is true
• In Ventura, California it is illegal to make "ugly faces" at dogs that are found "freely roaming the community"
• In Oregon drivers must yield to pedestrians who are standing on the sidewalk




What intrigued you to research all these weird laws?

Well I do this on regular television, both locally here in Southern California and Nationally and I do wacky case of the week and spread wacky laws here and there on my radio show as well as consumer laws that are applicable so it just kind of lightens the legal profession a bit because people tend to get intimidated and get you know, kind of ticked off at lawyers and this way people can feel a bit more connected.

What lead you to create a book about all these laws?

Well, because people like it. I get calls all the time on my talk radio show and people will stop me at the store and on the street and say ‘What’s the wacky law this week?’ So I figure this would be a great opportunity to let people enjoy a little bit and have fun and sit around to tell them lawyer jokes to enjoy some of the crazy laws out there that are pretty intriguing.


Is there one law that you came across where you just stopped and asked yourself ‘Are you serious?’

No, there’s a ton of them [laughs] There is so many that I could not even say which one is the most insane because they just become, as you read them they become, almost more crazy as you go through them.

Yeah my city actually came up, Santa Ana, California and it said No Swimming On Dry land and that was like are you kidding me?

Yeah, sometimes I forget at which state is which or which city but there’s one in there that’s prevalent that states your not allowed to whistle under water, I’m not sure I know how to do that but maybe there is a way…


Were there any laws you came across that at first seemed ridiculous but then turned out to have a good explanation. Or failing that, any where the explanation at least made sense at the time the law was enacted or where you uncovered reasoning behind the law that proved interesting?

That is actually the case with many of the laws in the book. While the actual law often makes sense, it's the literal interpretations and extrapolations that are funny and "wacky." Take this example:
 
Don’t leave your unattended horse in a no parking zone.

This seems silly on the face of it. So, who would leave a horse in a no parking zone? However, when you look at it, it makes some sense. This is one of those laws which was passed to deal with the changing nature of society. As more people got cars, and fewer people drove buggies or rode horses, laws were passed specifically for motorized vehicles. People riding horses did not feel obliged to obey "car laws." They would hitch their horse in a no parking zone because they were not really "parking." To address this technicality, they added not leaving your horse in a no parking zone. Technically, if you are still with the horse, it is not parked. So, this law applies to unattended horses.

 Actual Law:   Sec. 441-105. Effect of this chapter on horses and other animals. No horse or other animal, either driven or ridden, shall be left unattended, unhitched or insecurely fastened upon any street or public place, or hitched or left at any place when and where the parking of motor vehicles is prohibited and, when so left, the horse or other animal and any vehicle drawn by it shall be subject to all applicable provisions regulating motor vehicles at any such time and place. No horse shall be driven or ridden on any street in the city at a speed in excess of ten (10) miles per hour and every horse shall be kept under control at all times by the person in charge thereof. Such person shall be subject to all applicable traffic regulations that apply to motor vehicles.

This kind of conflict is what has led to many of these laws being on the books. Between having to deal with all of the technicalities, and courts issuing judgments ("case law")  which apply a law in a unique way, many wacky laws were completed.

You are involved in many charity and community events in San Diego, can you tell me a bit about that?

Well I do a lot of keynote speeches, a lot of Alzheimer’s golf tournaments. They call me the Lawyer in blue jeans, that’s kind of my butt end, and I wear blue jeans everywhere that’s my deal. I’ve been a lawyer for 33 years and I participate with all kinds of stuff, the Border Patrol, Sheriff’s Department, Firefighters, snowboarders all kinds of different clubs.

Is there any one you do regularly?

I do all kinds of stuff, right now I’m doing a lot of loan modifications, trying to help people save their homes. We do living trusts, in the keynote speeches I just really talk about wacky laws and cases. Just real down to earth stuff that people need to know about to protect themselves.

You recently joined KSUI- TV- 9 news, What kinds of issues do you elaborate on?

Well not recently it’s been about 3-4 years, before that it was CBS news so for 5 years. I’ve been on TV for almost 10 years and radio for over 15. On the radio show people call in and I have guests. We talk about recent cases and craziness and have games and contests. On TV we do wacky case of the week every Saturday and then I do consumer laws with emails and answer people’s problems.

Beside the fact that one is radio and the other is television. Is there any difference in your discussions during your time among the two?

Well yeah, there’s always a difference. With radio you have much more latitude to get onto different subjects because you have like 2 hours, with TV you have 5 minutes at the most. So you know, plus there is cameras and interaction with the Anchor  and all that. So it’s a very different world but there is still a lot of common areas. [With either medium] it’s about what can we do to protect ourselves from all the crazy lawyers out there and the 500 thousand new laws every year we don’t know what to do with.


California is rich with different cultures where people come to pursue a better life. With so many minor illegal immigrants, What is your opinion on the Development, Relief and Education for Alien Minors Act (D.R.E.A.M)?

I don’t get into a lot of political stuff, and I really don’t have one on that to be honest with you. I can make something up for you but I don’t do that. Some lawyers just B.S. people and make things up, I’m not going to do that. I talk really more on the common everyday issues, not that that’s not important, of course it is, in California especially. But I focus more on what if your neighbors dog is barking all night or if your dog bites somebody, car accidents, loans, your house is upside down, if someone dies and there is a will what do you do first, small claims courts…so I deal with those kinds of issues more than semi-political ones which are  important, but there are a lot of people that talk about that and I leave it to them to do that.

What projects are you working on that we can expect to see in the near future?

Well, I’ll probably do another book, may be the next one will be a little bit of crazy law cases that come up all the time; That will probably be a good cousin to the book I have now, pretty fun stuff. There may be a living trust book or some other things, but right now I can only do so many things at once. But we will see in the little bit longer future.


http://www.amazon.com/Wacky-World-Laws-Jeffrey-Isaac/dp/0578016125

Bible Study
words:  BRANSON


Any true cannabis connoisseurs owe it to themselves to acquire, by hook or by crook, the Cannabible. This three-volume collection of coffee table books amount to a marijuana encyclopedia, replete with lush photography, detailed information on each strain and insightful essays by the author. COOL’EH caught up with writer/photographer/musician, Jason King for an inside look at the legendary Cannabible.



How did the idea for the Cannabible come about?

I was looking at a bunch of different [marijuana] samples under a little handheld microscope.  They all looked so beautiful and so different that I thought to myself  “Wow, these pictures would make a great book. Microscopic photos of different strains”. Then the idea gestated a little bit and I came to realize that, my god, there are all these hundreds of strains out there and nothing at all is being done to document all the different varieties. I realized that with my love for the plant and my connections, I was meant to do this, so I packed up my bag and started working immediately. I learned how to take microscopic photographs, and write, and started the adventure.

What were you doing at the time?

I was on the Dead tour. I was a big deadhead.

Do you still have plans to do a book on glass [paraphernalia]?

Right now, I think the whole print media industry is in the toilet. And I’m kinda over it anyway, to be honest. So, not really, no.

What exactly is the source of your disillusionment?

Well, I did everything already. I have photographed pretty much every strain out there, except for a few that would involve me going to places that are very dangerous. I go to gardens now and I have photographed everything there fifty times already. So it is harder and harder find something I haven’t covered a hundred times and I don’t want to just regurgitate the same thing, over and over. And as for the book on glass, people are barely selling glass, let alone books about it.



So in your experience, what country has the best weed in the world?

The United States. By far.

We had a little office debate about this topic and I agree with you, but do you mind explaining your reasoning?

In Holland they have some great strains but the problem is that the stuff in coffeeshops is commercially grown. So I have a hard time finding things I really, really enjoy smoking in Amsterdam, whereas in America- California anyway, and New York- you get some great weed [laughs].

You live in Hawaii though, and in the books you said a lot of good things about Hawaiian strains…

If you can get it! That is the thing, there is so little produced here now, it’s unbelievable. Just yesterday, all day long they were buzzing my house with helicopters. Not only that, but it is cheaper and easier to just import schwaggier stuff. I’m in Hawaii for the clean air, clean water, happy people, coconuts…my home. It is definitely not the local bud because I haven’t seen any in a long time. And if I can’t get it, shit…that’s uh, that’s bad, because I know everyone.



I know how you feel. New York used to be home to the best Haze strains in the world, if you ask me, and now I cannot find any good haze anywhere. The Sour Diesel and OG Kush just took over.

Yeah, exactly. My new personal favorite is The Cheese; I barely even smoke Diesel anymore. I love it, but I am over it. The flavor and the high of The Cheese are just outstanding. The flavor is really the thing though, it is just sublime…if it’s done right, I don’t think there is anything out there that can touch it.

What about hash? Are you a fan? What method of hash-making do you think produces the best product?

I love hash with a passion. I think that if you do it right, dry sieving is the best but for the average person, you really cannot beat the water-extraction method.

What is dry sieving?

Using screens of selected different sizes and using vibration or other methods to remove the heads [of the trichomes]. There is no water or ice used. The problem with water is that it rinses away a lot of the flavor. You can ask anyone, ask Bubble Man, he agrees. Now, it is true that bubble will usually leave you with a great flavor but if you can make it that pure without using water, it would taste better. And if you dry-sieve it properly, that is exactly what you can do and it will taste better.

Is there any strain in the book that you wish you could get your hands on but you can’t any more?

Yeah, Asian Fantasy. It is in Volume One. It’s an old Asian strain, which these hippies went and rescued and kept it pure for many years. It’s the best herb I have ever smoked in my life. But due to strain hoarding, it is pretty much probably gone forever. The people didn’t trust anyone else with it and they lost it, but that would be the number one strain I would love to get my hands on again. The stuff I had back in the day was not even grown very well; it was full of crap and dirt, but it was still the best ever!



Wow. That’s saying a lot. On another note, how do you feel about the overall state of cannabis culture and weed quality in general? Do you feel like the quality is going up or down?

Up. The more medical [marijuana] that happens, the less people are paranoid about it. The more things like Cannabible and Dutch Seed Bank, and all those things have done a lot to increase people’s knowledge and availability of great genetics and growing techniques. I definitely think it has gotten better. I have had many a debate with old-timers that have amazing memories somehow and can remember everything back to thirty or forty years ago. Dj Short, for example. [I will ask] “What was better, the primo now or the primo then?” and I have gotten so many different answers, it is kinda ridiculous. Most people say “I can remember it clear as day, even the best stuff we got back then was trash compared to now. Even the best Acapulco Gold was smashed, smuggled, not really dried or cured properly. It was like good commercial [marijuana] but it was still probably only like seven to ten percent THC”. I tend to agree with that, although I only started smoking in the late-eighties so I can’t really say what was happening in the seventies.

In the books, you make your preference for organic marijuana pretty plain. Amongst growers, there is obviously a lot of debate on the issue. There are definitely a lot of people who, like you, say that weed grown with chemicals can never be as good as organically grown herb. Then there are others who say that the generalization about chemicals is really just the result of shitty growers. They contend that at the end of the day, if a plant needs phosphorous or nitrogen, it doesn’t matter if it gets those things from bone meal or not, because at the end of the day, the plant is breaking those things down to their chemical elements anyway.

I have a hard time believing that anyone could even believe that. It’s so ridiculous.

You are aware that the debate exists though, clearly?

Those are the same people who believe in Western Medicine, even though it never cures anything and only sickens people. Those are the same people who go and eat at McDonalds. Yeah, some people are just in denial.

Let me break it down really simply. The health of a plant is a direct reflection of the health of the soil. The health of a person is a direct reflection of the health of the plant. Therefore the health of a person is directly reflected by the health of the soil. A very true statement. So if you are not even growing in soil, and are using hydroponics and chemicals, well then yeah, you can grow a plant like that and it will grow. But it is the same thing as these feedlots crammed with cows. Yeah, they can get it to grow but they have to give it antibiotics it’s whole life and it’s sick and bleeding pus into its udder, but yeah, it is alive and producing lots of meat! That’s the same thing as hydroponics. Yeah, you can do it, you can give the plant its basic necessities for life, and it will produce buds but the subtle things happening with fine herb, are not going to be happening with that [plant] The way that herbs can heal you…it’s a complex thing to answer all at once, but basically, suffice it to say that chemicals have done tremendous damage to the world, and people’s lives, and the environment, and if you do not believe that, then you are in denial.

What about organic hydroponics?

It’s better…but why not just grow in the soil. You can trick a plant to grow in anything but the microorganisms present in soil have an effect! Me, personally, I want my herb grown the most natural way possible and that means dirt, the sun and organics.


http://www.amazon.co.uk/Cannabible-Jason-King/dp/1580082084