What atrocity did we as a race commit that the gods of fashion would unleash not one, but two mutations of the same menace, the skinny jean? A primer for the uninitiated:
Any regular L-train rider is by now well-familiar with the unflattering horror of hipster skinny pant. See fig. A.





Eyes everywhere were also assaulted with a similar oddity. A retarded cousin if you will; the tight sag. See fig. B.



Between denim ballet tights hugging every curve of your nutsack and a wet diaper in your slouchy leggings…it’s a tough call as to which is worse. However, one of these does not require walking like a penguin. And God save you if you should have to make a quick getaway and actually run.